Sick of being sick

so today i decided that i would touch on a different more pertinant subject in my life right now. Constant illness, or at least it feels like it. For years now i have had crazy diseases and the run of the mill ones...I am so tired of it. This last has plagued me for life and I'm so tired of it. I get comments all the time about my weight yet no one even attempts to understand why or don't care to. It's easier to blame someone for weight issues ie. overeating, laziness, etc. then to actually take a step back and figure out why. Some of us actually have legitimate reasons. I've tried dieting twice now to have complete faliure, which makes dealing with it mentally that much harder. I pray every day that someday the swelling and edema will leave my legs and allow me to do the things that I love so much. The pain it causes me everyday has become very difficult to bear. Last time i was in the ER i was in so much pain they put me on morphine, yet it seems as if no one can give me a straight answer as to why i still have so many problems with my leg. The lastest 'reasoning' is that i did something wrong to my ankle and that is why it's so painful. come on now people this is nothing new. you would think by now my doctors would at least have some kind of a clue. Sigh. Being overweight makes a lot of simple things in life very difficult. I can't lay the way i want, can't sit the way i want, can't even go to the bathroom like a normal person. This is absolutely ridiculous, yet everytime i think about trying to diet again all i can see in my future is more failure or more illness. the only diet i can think of that I KNOW will take off the weight somewhat is Atkins and all i hear is that it could kill me because of my predisposition to blood clots. Excercise is near impossible because of my leg....no biking, hiking, long walks, etc. Only excercise i can think of that i know doesn't hurt as much is swimming and if it doesn't warm up soon i'll never get the chance before summer's out. I wish i could get a membership at the YMCA, but i can't afford it on the limited amount of money i get monthly. I can barely take on the bills i have now.

I think for now i'm going to 'walk away' from this discussion because the last thing i need is to allow myself to become more depressed then i already am.